Feelings

So today was a roller coaster of emotions, though not nearly as much as last Tuesday. Lots of things have been happening in my life and to quote my Dad, "Just as {I} was getting in control of things, everything seemed to be ripped apart again." As a typical Irish, redheaded grandson of DD I have a knack for over reacting which is both a blessing and a curse. While I do experience extreme anger, a short temper, and bouts of deep depression I also get to enjoy the lighter emotions much more intensely than most.

But those emotions can be a nuisance.

I can't control much less get rid of my strong connection and love for T. After all she's put me through, all she's said about me I still have no way of keeping these memories of her and my life with her at bay. I've prayed and prayed and prayed yet again for God to remove these feelings I feel for her since they are no longer reciprocated by her. But still, I wake up and miss her voice.

I'm not sure why God gave me the ability to remember the best times I had with T, or the long friendship I had with M but I do know that without these memories I wouldn't be who I I'm supposed to be.

I've hit the reset button on my life but it's not like the reset button on a computer. I haven't lost what I once was. That part of me is still saved. I just hit the reset button on how i view, manage and control those memories. My current feelings depend on how I handle what has happened so I can understand what is going to happen.

I know what you're thinking and the answer is no, I don't just like to hear the sound of my voice. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the ridiculousness that is my stream of consciousness.

"He loved to curse; let curses come on him.

He did not like blessing; may it be far from him.

He clothed himself with cursing as his coat,

May it soak into his body like water,

Like oil into his bones."

Psalms 109.17,18

Adam